


California Here I Come AU

by SchmillionPizza



Category: The New Statesman (TV 1987)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29808213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SchmillionPizza/pseuds/SchmillionPizza
Summary: Just a silly AU re-write of one of the most bizarre episodes of TNS.This episode was a trip.
Kudos: 1





	California Here I Come AU

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually so fun to write. xD 
> 
> I love seeing Alan pushed to his breaking point and writing Amelia comforting him is a also a favorite. But her coming in and saving his ass was a -treat- to write!

AU where Amelia went with Alan and Piers to Hollywood but didn’t go to the party. She took care of the expenses report and talking to the British embassy on Alan’s behalf while he went and partied. 

She was quick to come to the station. She had a small leather bag with everything Alan would need. Piers was on his own. 

“Sir!” She ran to the holding cell. 

“AMMY! Oh, Ammy. Please tell me you can get me out of here...they’ve been such brutes to me!” Alan whined, shaking the bars a little. 

“...You tried to shag a porn star didn’t you?” She smirked. 

“...How did you know?!” Alan asked, offended. 

“The officers out front are talking about you. How you had enough drugs in you to keep you more preserved than Keith Richards..and..Only Skin-Flick actresses use qualudes.” Amelia says. 

“Fine. Yes I’ve learned a lesson, get on with it Amelia!” He said very biting. 

She smiled. “Yes, Sir. I’ll try my best.” She said softly. 

“Go as high as you need to!” He said lowly. 

“What about Mr.Fletcher-Dervish?” Amelia asked. 

“His royal highness can fend for himself for talking when he should have kept his big mouth SHUT!” He snapped looking back at Piers. 

She nodded and walked over to the Sheriff and presented her passport. 

“...So. You’re “The Secretary?””He said. 

“I am. What will it take for you to release my boss? I have travelers checks as well.” Amelia said bluntly. 

“S’gonna take more than that now to release Sir Alan, Dollface.” He said. 

“Oh? I know a lot of secretaries at the British Embassy that are Diana look-a-likes...release Mr.B’Stard and I’ll set you up...as well as....leave you a nice tip to treat her. We English ladies do love to be spoiled.” She said, smoothly. 

“Good girl...C’mon...” Alan said looking on. 

The cell-mate stood beside Alan. 

“She’s adorable. She’s like if a tea-party came to life.” He chuckled. 

“She’s much more than that, My Dandy fellow...she’s my secret weapon..” Alan said grinning wildly. 

“I’ll tell ya what. I’ll think about it. In the meantime you can sit over there, Sweetheart.” He pointed to a bench very far from the cell. 

“Oh...Oh I see...That’s too bad. You disappoint me Sheriff.” Amelia said. Chuckling. 

“Oh really?” The sheriff asked. 

“Yes. Because I can see at least 25 health-code violations at least according to the Labour Department of Great Britain, and judging by your country’s complete lack of self-awareness it can’t be that different. So unless you’d like 25 separate refugee, harassment and unnecessary pain and suffering suits filed against your department...I would let him go.” She smiled. 

“Where’s your proof, Nancy Drew?..” he scoffed. 

She quietly put the leather bag on her lap and unzipped it. Taking out a camera. She ran and started taking pictures of every violation she could find. She was Also in far better shape than most of these officers and was out running them with ease. 

“Get her, you idiots!” The sheriff commanded. 

Alan looked on with wicked glee. She came to the cell and looked at him. 

“Smile, Sir!” She said snapping a picture of him in that tiny blue robe. He of course smiled wickedly. She continued running from the officers. Alan chuckled , loving this. 

She hopped onto a chair and put the camera down her shirt. 

“Don’t think I won’t go in there!” The sheriff said. 

Alan bristled. How crude! 

“You go in there and I’ll cut your-“ The sheriff raised a brow at Alan.

“...hair.” He said backing off. Smiling. 

“..Let him leave and you can have the film.” She said point-blankly. 

“...Fine. Give me the film and I’ll let him go.” The large man said. 

“No. You let him out first. Rule one of blackmailing, Hillstreet Blues..You let the one holding the smoking gun call the shots..” she said. Stepping down. 

He opened the cell door and Alan immediately came out. Going behind Amelia. As if she could protect him. 

He held out his hand. “Okay ...hand it over.” He said holding out his hand. “...Fine...” She handed it over and walked towards the exit. He opened the back of it and shouted. “HEY! Where’s the film?” The sheriff asked. 

“Oh. It’s probably in this one.” Alan said as he reached into Ameila’s shirt and pulled out the real one. Every bit of this had been carefully thought out by Alan. Just in case something like this happened. This was one of the plans he came up with and discussed with her before they left. He simply told Piers to tell Amelia. “Camera”. And she would do the rest: 

“Release Piers and you can have it! Sheriff..” Alan said spitefully. He let Piers out and he ran over to the two of them. 

“Terra!, Malibu County!!~” Alan said as the three of them made their way out after Alan ducked into the men’s room to put himself back together. He would need to go get his passport, his wallet and leave that nutter porn star chained up as payback for getting him into this mess.


End file.
